So its been a year since I found out I was pregnant with Casey, although it was 2 weeks before this that Beaux started listening to my belly, telling me she was listening to a baby boy (what the actual f*ck!?).
I’m beyond happy to say my pregnant days are over. Yes I hate to say I was blessed both times, but I was. No sickness, no real difficulties other than hating every single moment the second time round.. (soz CaseyBear.) Partly because there’s no time for rest or naps second time round, partly because I was working 9/10 hours days but mostly because babies are parasites and absolute fun sponges.
And while I was one of the ‘lucky ones’ I was still inundated with comments and opinions and judgey eyes that woke a hormonal rage inside me, so f*ck knows how women deal with that while having all the horrendous symptoms to boot – let alone the complicated journeys so many mothers undertake before even getting to the point of pregnancy.
At what point is it ok to comment on the size, shape or location of a belly? my bump with Beaux was tiny for months. I’d get asked “is the baby ok? ohhh thats such a small bump for the age?”ABSOLUTELYDOONELESLEY! This time it was, “god you couldn’t get bigger if you tried! or Wow look at the size of you!”
– I’m sorry Brenda, but my midwife said I needed to put on at least 50lbs to have a healthy pregnancy and as much as my old psyche protested, I figured fuck it, this is the ONE time I can eat anything (and surprisingly still be judged) so I exceeded her expectations and gained 57! Go me.
Turns out though he was only 6lb7 so I can’t even blame the weight gain on it being “all baby”. Maybe thats where this greediness started.
And don’t get started on the disapproving comments on feeding preferences, sleeping preference, childcare preferences. WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER TO YOU HOW SOMEONE CHOOSES TO KEEP THEIR BABY ALIVE?! If its easier to co-sleep so you all get some sleep, then fucking co-sleep, catch those Z’s. If someone wants to flop a tit out in Tescos to feed their baby the most organically natural way, rather than spend £10+ every few days on formula, then fair play to them.
However if someone chooses to bottle feed how is it acceptable (from my midwives) to say “obviously its your choice but there’s less support here for bottlefed babies”) – GOOD ONE Wallingford Maternity Led Unit. – Thankfully I was lucky to have no problems with latching or supply but imagine if I did, or decided actually, black raw nipples and milk pissing everywhere just wasn’t something I was willing to sign up for. What then? So many women have all kinds of complications with feeding. The bare minimum are actually dealt with a sweet hand so when I see someone absolutely crushing #breastfeedawareness it gives me all the lady feels.
Its difficult to feel supported or empowered when so many professionals treat a new mum as a chore in their job rather than understanding this is completely new and mostly terrifying experience first time round. Even second time round. (shout out to all the students/midwives that actually give a shit about the meaning of their job. – and an even bigger shout out to Gail Walter – John Radcliffe who, even though has probably delivered 93279467239564 babies, she made us feel like bringing Casey into the world was the first and biggest achievement of her career. Thats how its done people.)
What concerns me the most is its always women commenting and judging. Men know better than to poke the fire (thats caused by the belly-of-smaug heartburn). It just baffles me that women seem to miraculously and immediately after birth forget that its just not ok to say basically anything to a pregnant whale *i mean women* that she’s not already said about herself. Word of warning – no matter how utterly fucked a pregnant women looks, don’t tell her she looks tired. Like when everyone tells new parents they look knackered. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
I thought women were meant to all be in this together. Girl power. Spice world, Beyoncé and all that bullshit. If every day women can’t seem to support each other during a time thats so sensitive and emotionally fucking then this whole ‘feminism’ thing seems like the blind leading the blind.
but thats none of my business…
(This sounds awfully shouty bollox but come on girls, bumps unite!)
Even she was judging me at this point. 🙄😂