This is a bit of a weird one. Stay with me.

It’s become evident that I am officially a self proclaimed ‘Baby induced social recluse’ (I need to copyright that)

Yesterday I made plans to see a friend at the end of this week and it made me realise that in this entire month, in this entire year, I’ve seen two friends. Obviously I’ve seen people on the school run, I’ve spoken to my friends most days, and seen people in the village, but I mean go-out-of-the-way-to-see-each-other friends. Partly because we’ve been a house of sickness the last week but also that’s life post baby, your life, their life, friend’s lives gets in the way, but if there was ever an invitation to give someone an easy way out of a friendship, a baby is just that – Trim the fat, no one needs that many ‘friends’.

I don’t need the violins out, it was just an observation. Since we moved here though (which seems to some as though its Middle Earth… considering its only 10 minutes further than our old house in Caversham) but the visits have decreased drastically – Although that was part of the attraction being out here. Already social recluses!

Babies/children seem to be have such an active social life these days, two parties a day some weekends. I can barely handle an adult one every 6 months considering my middle name used to be Pardy and if I wasn’t in the Turtle every night of the week then there was probably something seriously wrong – Like when I got kidney stones and retired from Mix cocktail bar. (RIP)… don’t get me wrong I still know how to minesweep in Revs. (this definitely happened a few months ago… N.B. – Do not minesweep in Revs)

I think we’re all just taught that when we have kids we must change and become ‘parents’. That involves changing your social circle, how you dress, behave and talk. I mean I have changed drastically and when I think back to my old self and my old thoughts I can barely recognise her. She is a stranger to me. But I changed in a way that I can keep another human alive, when before I could barely keep myself alive. However I look at so many parents and they literally have lost all sense of themselves as ‘Sophie’ or ‘wife’ and are now just ‘Mummy’ and while that is one of the greatest titles to be given, it shouldn’t define you, it should empower you… You pushed an 8lber out of the place nothing that big should be vacated! –  bigupyaself!

It’s so easy to lose sight of yourself at the beginning, who you were before or even the prospect that one day you might finally not be hormonally insane. That’s why having real friends that either have come out the other side in one piece to advise you that it doesn’t last forever, friends that are going through it with you “walking through the valley of the shadow of death” (so to speak) hand in hand or friends that can recall old nights out and remind you that you were that ‘free’ and while you have added responsibilities and accountability now you really are that person and will be that person again.

I mean, I’m not shy about saying that I flip the bird behind Beaux’s back on a regular occasion, but when I once mentioned to my nct group that at 4 months old she could be an arsehole and sometimes on what seemed to be on purpose, they looked at me like maybe didn’t deserve to have her. When they’d already made me feel like I was on TeenMumUK (at 26) and would forget to cc me into the emails of groups they were all going to. So for me, real friends that knew you before your nipples went black and probably saw them in their heyday are like gold when you’re feeling incredibly mentally and physically deflated.

Childhood is so very brief and the guilt or sadness you feel for who you once were or what you could be doing is so fleeting when you step back in the room and see all that you have in front you. Especially when I look around me now and all my friends are moving forward too, no one is doing what we used to, minus some crackheads, but no one has stayed the same. And while I think about the ones who are close to me all the time, I know that we are all forever moving forward, separately but together and when we do see each other we realise that we are already who we wanted to be and know that distance and time are just numbers. They don’t define us… Apart from those of us that turn 30 this year… that number is reeeeeal!

I guess this is a shout out to all the people I know were there for me, are there for me now and will always be… Soon you’ll be the suckers with life appendages, social life sponges and sleep teases while we are out of the woods and ‘free’ again. See you all on the other side, my loves.

“One day, all of us will get separated from each other; we will miss our conversations of everything and nothing; the dreams that we had. Days will pass by, months, years, until this contact becomes rare… One day our children will see our pictures and ask “Who are these people?” And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say: “It was them that I had the best days of my life with.”


Miscellaneous greatness

I have no idea what the fuck to call this?

I basically had a few bits to use up in he fridge and sort of just winged it… no change there then.

It’s essentially a twist of meatballs with chicken meatballs instead with a twist on the el Classico.


Just stay with me on this. I didn’t even take photos because I wasn’t expecting much till I tasted at the end and blew my own mind!

You will need:

  • Chicken meatballs/pre made were what we had but if you’re a culinary wizard then smash them out ya self!
  • Passata sauce
  • Worcester sauce (the tits in every meal)
  • Mushrooms
  • Onion
  • Celery
  • Spinach
  • Spaglehettiiiii
  • Garlic

Soooo, we all know where this is going, although this time I didn’t even follow a recipe so the winging was real. (I also expected it to be beef meatballs when I got them out the freezer yesterday so this all came to me like a vision in white.)


  • In a large frying pan heat oil, finely chopped onion (to the point its pulverised if your other half had an aversion to it and used less than half of one), garlic and salt (if it’s not for the kiddies)
  • Finely chop 2 celery stalks and add
  • Finely chop mushrooms and do the same (I used 2 and again, pulverising was essential)
  • Add the chicken balls, we had a 12 pack and it made 3 big meals (once they were almost fully cooked I quartered them so they were less offensive)
  • Add enough passata to get them swimming, not drowning and add a cup of water
  • Add Worcester sauce, I’d add gallons if I could but you do you
  • Get the spaghetti on
  • Let it simmer and add some pasta if it looks a bit dense. (I let it simmer for about half an hour- 45 mins to get even more flavour)
  • In the last 5 mins add spinach
  • Serve with lashings of cheese if you fancy. Of course you fancy! (Some mozzarella would have gone down an absolute treeeat!)

Beaux loved helping again chopping the mushrooms, breaking up the celery and sprinkling the spinach (could have used basil) we went on a massive walk and got an onion on the way so coming in from the chilly afternoon this was very warmly welcomed! (I did have to go over all the chopping to get it really fine but it was great to get her involved!)

I mean, I’m not sure how much Play Doh she ate with it, but it was a hit! I thought about adding a red pepper we needed to use up but I didn’t think the flavours would gel. Again you could mix up the meat/veg or even pasta type, essentially making it a completely different fucking meal 🤣



Simple salmon!

Probably one of the easiest, quickest meals we’ve done, and so great for little ones.

There wasn’t much to do so prep wise so we played with maths and expressive arts & design (just ticking that one off the EYFS)

You will need:

  • Two fillets of salmon
  • Asparagus
  • Spinach
  • Tomatoes on vine
  • Foil
  • Schwartz hollandaise sauce (because I have zero time for the whisking malarkey)

(I’m going to reiterate portion sizes are your preference but I’ll show you what we used for ours)

Sprinkle the magic leaves
  • Lay out tin foil and place salmon fillet in the middle, add spinach and 3 asparagus spears (break stalk off where it bends) can leave whole or break in pieces.
Food art
  • This is where Beaux counted out her spinach leaves and asparagus, she also made a picture with her food pretending the leaves were other fish and the spears were the sea bed and used her imagination sprinkling the leaves like “magic”.
  • Once we’d got all the ingredients placed nicely together, we wrapped it up in the foil and placed it in the over. No idea on heat as our gage is buggered but it was in for about 20 mins on med-high. (But you can check after a period by breaking up the salmon and seeing if it’s cooked through)
  • In the last 5 minutes we added a vine of tomatoes under the grill, we counted how many were attached before they went in.
  • We followed the instructions for the hollandaise and the plated everything together, removing the salmon skin and vine before they went on the plate.

We usually pan fry the salmon so it was such a nice change to texture and taste and something we will definitely chose over frying more often in the future. Again, you could change up the veg/sauce depending on preference. Parsley sauce would be lush!


Mushroom Risotto

This one was loads of fun as it involves lots of stirring (witch brews, magic potions, cake mix) as well as cutting, breaking and sprinkling to work in all those fine motor skills.

Professional mixer

You will need:

  • Risotto rice
  • Mushrooms
  • Onion
  • Spinach
  • Asparagus
  • Vegetable stock
  • Parmesan
  • Butter
  • Garlic

(I’ll give you the measurements we used, we roughly followed the BBC goodfood (another classic). Also add wine or chicken if you want/have any)


  • Heat oil and add onion and garlic, fry until softened
  • Add the cut up mushrooms and fry until browned and add spinach and asparagus  (I got Beaux to use her child knife and cut up the mushrooms, break up the asparagus and sprinkle in the spinach)


  • Stir in rice and coat in the oil till glossy then slowly add stock and simmer, stirring while you go until liquid is absorbed. Continue till all liquid is absorbed and the rice is silky and tender (we used 1.2l of hot veg stock)
  • Add a little butter, salt/ pepper for adults and serve with freshly grated Parmesan.(Beauxs favourite part was definitely the cheese!)

I never realised how simple this is to make but after smashing it I felt like a Hells Kitchen survivor! Now I’ve got to grips with the basics we will definitely be varying it! It’s definitely a great was to get a decent meal out of the strays you need to use up in the fridge/freezer. – Ideal end-of-the-month meal.

Obviously she then realised she had to eat what turned out not to be “cake mix”


Chunky fish – Wrap battle!

This is BY FAR one of my favourite meals we’ve made together. Beaux has got completely obsessed with cooking recently and this is a great one to get tiny humans involved in. Also it helps that they chose what they eat so it hopefully assures you they’ll eat everything on their plate.

My portions are never really followed to the book, mostly because looking back and forth at a page or screen kills my creative vibe. I roughly followed this recipe off the bbc goodfood website, but you could just wing it with ease!

You will need:

  • Plain flour
  • Breadcrumbs (we used golden breadcrumbs in alliance with the bearded captain)
  • 2 Eggs (the recipe said 3, we used two and that was plenty)
  • 2 fillets of white sustainable fish (we used cod – obviously depending on how much you want to make adjust the portion sizes – 2 fillets was enough for 4 wraps and 5 fingers frozen)
  • Tortilla wraps
  • Fillings – we used tomato, avocado and cucumber (again I’m leaving portion size and preference to you and your tribe)
  • Garlic mayo – garlic purée and mayo (same as above, but that was all we had)


You’ll need to set up two prep stations, this was the part Beaux loved most.

The first one for the fingers.

Fish prep station
  • Cut the fish into… fingers, we made a few a little chunkier.
  • Get a plate of flour, beaten eggs in a bowl (Beaux’s forte) a plate of breadcrumbs and a bowl/plate for the ready fingers. (Bear in mind you may need more flour/crumbs after awhile)
“Roll him in snow, bath him in the eggs, roll him in the sand to dry him up”
  • Cover fish in flour completely – ‘give them a bath’ (fully immersed), roll in the crumbs and then lay to rest.
  • Place in pan of oil, a good glug will do. Once they’re browned on each side (compare them to the golden originals if necessary.) Lay to rest on kitchen roll to remove excess oil)
  • While this was going on Beaux was at the other prep station
Filling prep station/garlic mayo tasting
  • I got her to mix the mayo and mash the avo which she loved! – and loved tasting to make sure it was ok.
If you don’t eat the corners of a wrap while you wait are you even hungry?
  • Lay it all out, testing the wrap while you wait… and let them load it up so you know it’ll be a hit

Et voila! A very happy last lunch for the 2 year old!

In her happy place… Lets take a minute to look at Casey waiting for his!


I could only manage 1.5 wraps but she had 3! We put the rest in a Tupperware to freeze and she requested them the next day! You could definitely mix it up with chicken which will be our next wrap battle!


Two for Tuesdays

Seeing as it’s Tuesday and if you’re anything like me you’re thinking of pizza, any excuse to eat pizza and where to find pizza that’s not £18.

So here it is, a piece of worldly wisdom life hack that could not only change your Tuesdays, but everyday in between.

Go to your local dominos, choose the collection option and for just £5.99 you can get any pizza. Yes ANY medium pizza, or large for £7.99. Just chose two toppings and you’re good to go. Pepperoni and jalapeños is a Bliss household go to and a much tastier version of the pepperoni passion.

Really don’t know why I’m posting this, but it’s saved my life on many a hungover and non hungover day. Also, £20 for a fucking pizza?! Don’t be a dick.

Thank me later. 🍕

Sorry to the Vegans and the people that don’t like eating 9478392 calories in one sitting. Don’t get a Katsu Curry in that case either. 🤷🏽‍♀️😚


A little silky number

Chicken in spicey tomato & mascarpone sauce.

So in our house pasta is gold. Its Dan’s ‘one-meal-for-the-rest-of-your-life’. It’s really versatile for us and B and its something we lean towards on the regs. – mostly for ease as well as knowing everyone will be happy and full. – hence our ever growing waistlines.

Rather than spending a small fortune on the tiny pots of sauce, I’ve decided to start making them from scratch. – So here’s one I made earlier. *Gets out Blue Peter badge*

After watching the saucestress that is Nigella, I made a take on one of her little blinders, although I think this was slightly less sexy. I also don’t do well with portion control and as you’ve probably guessed by this point, like most things, I wing it.


  • Spaghetti (I’m hoping you know portion control with this one unlike some people in our household) – can be any type of pasta, this was all we had.
  • 2 Chicken breasts (or not) (or if you’re vegan and you’ve told everyone you’re vegan because you’re vegan if we didn’t know. In that case you’ll probably want to fuck off the cheese too.)
  • Salt – chill out on this if it’s for the little humans
  • Half a tin of chopped tomatoes
  • 2 Anchovies
  • 3 Cloves of garlic
  • Chilli flakes/puree – I used both because 🔥 but also chill on this if it’s for smalls.
  • Fresh basil – managed to keep this bad boy plant alive for longer than a week so using it in everything from breakfast to supper. (homemade pesto is next on the agenda)
  • 3 Tablespoons of mascarpone (ish)
  • A good grating of parmesan
  • Grated cheddar to add after if you’re a fellow cheese fiend.

MethodPut spaghetti in salted boiling water

  • Dice up chicken breasts and add to oil in a pan
  • Add garlic (and onion if your partner doesn’t hate them), chilli, anchovies (and don’t tell partner if they’re ‘fish are friends, not food – soz DB), salt, basil and cook till chicken is browned
  • Add chopped tomatoes, let simmer for a few minutes till chicken is cooked through
  • Add mascarpone and parmesan and stir through
  • Turn down heat till spaghetti is ready, lightly drain and transfer to pan.
  • Stir thoroughly, add more tomato/mascarpone depending on preference of flavour/consistency
  • Serve / sprinkle cheese if desired.


Might actually start taking notice of what the hell goes into our meals with some relative accuracy now. And then proceed to take obnoxious fancy photos.

Disclaimer – Most of my presentation is dog shite. But what they lack in aesthetics they make up for in flavour – or so Dan tells me in a bid to make me keep trying…

No one likes a quitter!


Minty fresh

This will never not be funny

Um, Original Source… can we talk?

I’d like to take you back to around 6.45am this morning, when I stepped into my bath, and found that my usual, rather innocuous bottle of shower gel (Waitrose essentials, Rose) had run out. A tad irritating, but fortuitously, I had a solution close to hand. A brand new, unopened bottle of your very own Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel. My bodily cleanliness was assured once more. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I took the Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel and began to work it into a lather. I applied it to first one leg, then the other, and shaved them diligently. (Yes, feel free to be impressed at my commitment to body defoliation at 6.45am on a Wednesday morning. I was too.) So far, so good.

I washed my arms and shaved underneath them. I washed my neck, breasts, stomach and back. Thus far, it had been a positively first class bathing experience.

And then.


Oh. Dear. God.


For a moment, I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. Had I repeated the never to be forgotten error when I managed to apply hair removal cream which was strictly not for front bottoms to my front bottom? Had a stray spark inadvertently set light to my pubic thatch?


Yes, Original Source, your innocuous looking green bottle of so called shower gel, it turns out, is an absolute fucking liability. MY FLAPS WERE ON FUCKING FIRE. I had a quick look at the ingredients list to see if it contained gasoline. It did not. There was a warning though. ‘KEEP AWAY FROM EYES.’ Keep away from eyes? KEEP AWAY FROM EYES? Frankly, my eyes were the least of my problems right now.

I frantically scrubbed my flaps, which by now felt as though they were being ceremoniously scrubbed by ants wearing ice skates laced with chilli sauce. ‘7,929 tingling leaves’ claimed the front of the bottle. Tingling? TINGLING? This wasn’t tingling my minge. It was starting a fucking bush fire down there. (Pun entirely intended. You can thank me later.)

Some twelve hours later, my front bottom has finally calmed down, though may well be suffering from as yet unconfirmed PTSD. My eyes have eventually stopped watering. And so, in the interests of public safety, I thought I would pen you this missive.

May I suggest a rebranding of the front of your bottles of Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel? Something along the lines of the following:

‘7,927 tingling leaves which will accost your genitalia until it screams for mercy.’

If nothing else, it will certainly stand out on the shelf.

Anyways, thanks for brightening up my morning. And my front bottom, which has never been so lively.

Kisses, IKINTST xxx

Well done

Feminism, Shmeminism


While its difficult for me to get on board with what it stands for, no offence but genocide just isn’t my bag, I like the idea of taking some time to think and voice what you’re thankful for. Something we should all practice more often.

As the saying goes “this too shall pass” and while I’m continuing to battle this anxiety daily, last week I felt so desperately far from those words it seemed I’d lost sight of the forest for the trees. Deep down I know it’ll pass each time but in those moments it seems improbable.

I’m thankful for my little family, the people that open my eyes each time, either by merely existing or for giving me something else to think about. But primarily to Dan for both and for having the patience to let it pass.

Also to my two little loves who help me see the greatness in every waking minute, day and night!

So today I’m very, very thankful