Freebird

This is a bit of a weird one. Stay with me.

It’s become evident that I am officially a self proclaimed ‘Baby induced social recluse’ (I need to copyright that)

Yesterday I made plans to see a friend at the end of this week and it made me realise that in this entire month, in this entire year, I’ve seen two friends. Obviously I’ve seen people on the school run, I’ve spoken to my friends most days, and seen people in the village, but I mean go-out-of-the-way-to-see-each-other friends. Partly because we’ve been a house of sickness the last week but also that’s life post baby, your life, their life, friend’s lives gets in the way, but if there was ever an invitation to give someone an easy way out of a friendship, a baby is just that – Trim the fat, no one needs that many ‘friends’.

I don’t need the violins out, it was just an observation. Since we moved here though (which seems to some as though its Middle Earth… considering its only 10 minutes further than our old house in Caversham) but the visits have decreased drastically – Although that was part of the attraction being out here. Already social recluses!

Babies/children seem to be have such an active social life these days, two parties a day some weekends. I can barely handle an adult one every 6 months considering my middle name used to be Pardy and if I wasn’t in the Turtle every night of the week then there was probably something seriously wrong – Like when I got kidney stones and retired from Mix cocktail bar. (RIP)… don’t get me wrong I still know how to minesweep in Revs. (this definitely happened a few months ago… N.B. – Do not minesweep in Revs)

I think we’re all just taught that when we have kids we must change and become ‘parents’. That involves changing your social circle, how you dress, behave and talk. I mean I have changed drastically and when I think back to my old self and my old thoughts I can barely recognise her. She is a stranger to me. But I changed in a way that I can keep another human alive, when before I could barely keep myself alive. However I look at so many parents and they literally have lost all sense of themselves as ‘Sophie’ or ‘wife’ and are now just ‘Mummy’ and while that is one of the greatest titles to be given, it shouldn’t define you, it should empower you… You pushed an 8lber out of the place nothing that big should be vacated! –  bigupyaself!

It’s so easy to lose sight of yourself at the beginning, who you were before or even the prospect that one day you might finally not be hormonally insane. That’s why having real friends that either have come out the other side in one piece to advise you that it doesn’t last forever, friends that are going through it with you “walking through the valley of the shadow of death” (so to speak) hand in hand or friends that can recall old nights out and remind you that you were that ‘free’ and while you have added responsibilities and accountability now you really are that person and will be that person again.

I mean, I’m not shy about saying that I flip the bird behind Beaux’s back on a regular occasion, but when I once mentioned to my nct group that at 4 months old she could be an arsehole and sometimes on what seemed to be on purpose, they looked at me like maybe didn’t deserve to have her. When they’d already made me feel like I was on TeenMumUK (at 26) and would forget to cc me into the emails of groups they were all going to. So for me, real friends that knew you before your nipples went black and probably saw them in their heyday are like gold when you’re feeling incredibly mentally and physically deflated.

Childhood is so very brief and the guilt or sadness you feel for who you once were or what you could be doing is so fleeting when you step back in the room and see all that you have in front you. Especially when I look around me now and all my friends are moving forward too, no one is doing what we used to, minus some crackheads, but no one has stayed the same. And while I think about the ones who are close to me all the time, I know that we are all forever moving forward, separately but together and when we do see each other we realise that we are already who we wanted to be and know that distance and time are just numbers. They don’t define us… Apart from those of us that turn 30 this year… that number is reeeeeal!

I guess this is a shout out to all the people I know were there for me, are there for me now and will always be… Soon you’ll be the suckers with life appendages, social life sponges and sleep teases while we are out of the woods and ‘free’ again. See you all on the other side, my loves.

“One day, all of us will get separated from each other; we will miss our conversations of everything and nothing; the dreams that we had. Days will pass by, months, years, until this contact becomes rare… One day our children will see our pictures and ask “Who are these people?” And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say: “It was them that I had the best days of my life with.”

Hx

2017- another year around the sun.

Sorry its two weeks late! I’ve been up to my nuts in all things unicorn mentally preparing myself for a 3rd birthday… Finally finished this.

2017 was an interesting one, a fucking long one considering I was pregnant for about 17 months of it. Although I seemed to have blinked and missed it all. 🤔

I barely remember being pregnant, however everyone that was around me will vividly recall how I despised everything of everyday. – Considering I had an absolutely blessed pregnancy for the second time, I feel I probably took the piss a bit. Second time round there’s minimal enjoyment or time to compare your little foetus to fruit and veg. Plus you know what’s coming, or at least you think you do, then the night feeds and zero neck control hits you like a sack of newborn-tar-shit. Second time round it’s really just about getting through the day and keeping everyone alive.

I’m ready for a year of not being pregnant, because this is a biggie for me and all my friends turning 30, so it’s an excellent time to not be pregnant. Listen to my words, BabyGods – notice the emphasis!
Ready to wear things that don’t resemble tents, but at the rate I’m going on the #cheesegate front I may just have to crack back into the maternity box. (that’s waiting for a vulnerable, hormonal pregger to buy off my Depop – not awaiting the next incubation!)

Plus a heatwave would be welcomed in 2018, as long as I’m not 486 weeks pregnant this time.

Here’s just a few of my faves from 2017.

The last few days with my 1 year old
Beaux’s 2nd birthday – cake at 6am before work/nursery definitely sets the day up right.
Cat party with Frank and Bev.
The utter sigh of relief when you see their little body after spending the half an hour in the waiting room working yourself up that you were in actual fact having a phantom pregnancy and the whole thing was a lie.
‘Is it summer yet?’ The classic ‘coming soon’ post.
img_3050
These two
The last time. Beaux’s last sink bath
The first walk of the year. Tried to ‘stay active’ during this pregnancy.. even though I was working 9/10 hour shifts a day.
It’s a BOY!
Loving Helen all year.
Always
Quenching that pregnancy craving.
Beaux clearly thrilled about my ever growing bump
CRACKED POTTY TRAINING IN ONE GO soznotsozforthesmugness
Did a 4.5 hour drive to Cornwall solo with this one and survived. Although we listened to Frozen soundtrack the.whole.way.home.
Went for an innocent day out that turned out to be one of the fucking hottest days of the year and stupidly we decided to pick strawberries in a greenhouse.
Literally got to the point I had to hold my bump up.
A day in the gardening swimming, with Dan showing the benefits of sunscreen
The actual hottest day of the year, 35 degrees and about 75 months pregnant.
Baby shower of dreams
Brunching with the Babe Bliss
10 mins before my waters broke I got the weirdest feeling so went and sat with B and took a photo thinking this might be the last time its just us.
img_3069
Casey Cooper Bliss 28/07/17 – 15:02 – 6lb7 The cub
He was so tiny!
Breastfeeding her baby
Bee met Bear!
Love
More love
“Never a dull moment”
Love
London
Those cheeks
CoseyCub
That just about sums up the last few months of 2017
img_3832
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
img_3833
Watching these two fall in love with each other more every day
img_3834
img_3835
Caseys first night in his own room!
img_3836
All got a bit much for him Christmas morning
img_3837
1st Christmas as 4!
img_3838
Nonnys 90th Christmas and Nanny made a light up gingerbread house of dreams!
img_3839
Lads
img_3840
The boy

 

And thats basically every photo in my camera roll. JK there’s currently 9k+

Wishing you all a year filled with love and all the best ones.

Hx

 

 

 

Feminism, Shmeminism

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Meangirls

So its been a year since I found out I was pregnant with Casey, although it was 2 weeks before this that Beaux started listening to my belly, telling me she was listening to a baby boy (what the actual f*ck!?).

I’m beyond happy to say my pregnant days are over. Yes I hate to say I was blessed both times, but I was. No sickness, no real difficulties other than hating every single moment the second time round.. (soz CaseyBear.) Partly because there’s no time for rest or naps second time round, partly because I was working 9/10 hours days but mostly because babies are parasites and absolute fun sponges.

And while I was one of the ‘lucky ones’ I was still inundated with comments and opinions and judgey eyes that woke a hormonal rage inside me, so f*ck knows how women deal with that while having all the horrendous symptoms to boot – let alone the complicated journeys so many mothers undertake before even getting to the point of pregnancy.

At what point is it ok to comment on the size, shape or location of a belly? my bump with Beaux was tiny for months. I’d get asked “is the baby ok? ohhh thats such a small bump for the age?”ABSOLUTELYDOONELESLEY! This time it was, “god you couldn’t get bigger if you tried! or Wow look at the size of you!”

– I’m sorry Brenda, but my midwife said I needed to put on at least 50lbs to have a healthy pregnancy and as much as my old psyche protested, I figured fuck it, this is the ONE time I can eat anything (and surprisingly still be judged) so I exceeded her expectations and gained 57! Go me.

Turns out though he was only 6lb7 so I can’t even blame the weight gain on it being “all baby”. Maybe thats where this greediness started.

And don’t get started on the disapproving comments on feeding preferences, sleeping preference, childcare preferences. WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER TO YOU HOW SOMEONE CHOOSES TO KEEP THEIR BABY ALIVE?! If its easier to co-sleep so you all get some sleep, then fucking co-sleep, catch those Z’s. If someone wants to flop a tit out in Tescos to feed their baby the most organically natural way, rather than spend £10+ every few days on formula, then fair play to them.

However if someone chooses to bottle feed how is it acceptable (from my midwives) to say “obviously its your choice but there’s less support here for bottlefed babies”) – GOOD ONE Wallingford Maternity Led Unit. – Thankfully I was lucky to have no problems with latching or supply but imagine if I did, or decided actually, black raw nipples and milk pissing everywhere just wasn’t something I was willing to sign up for. What then? So many women have all kinds of complications with feeding. The bare minimum are actually dealt with a sweet hand so when I see someone absolutely crushing #breastfeedawareness it gives me all the lady feels.

Its difficult to feel supported or empowered when so many professionals treat a new mum as a chore in their job rather than understanding this is completely new and mostly terrifying experience first time round. Even second time round. (shout out to all the students/midwives that actually give a shit about the meaning of their job. – and an even bigger shout out to Gail Walter – John Radcliffe who, even though has probably delivered 93279467239564 babies, she made us feel like bringing Casey into the world was the first and biggest achievement of her career. Thats how its done people.)

What concerns me the most is its always women commenting and judging. Men know better than to poke the fire (thats caused by the belly-of-smaug heartburn). It just baffles me that women seem to miraculously and immediately after birth forget that its just not ok to say basically anything to a pregnant whale *i mean women* that she’s not already said about herself. Word of warning – no matter how utterly fucked a pregnant women looks, don’t tell her she looks tired. Like when everyone tells new parents they look knackered. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I thought women were meant to all be in this together. Girl power. Spice world, Beyoncé and all that bullshit. If every day women can’t seem to support each other during a time thats so sensitive and emotionally fucking then this whole ‘feminism’ thing seems like the blind leading the blind.

but thats none of my business…

Screen Shot 2017-11-23 at 17.37.19

Hx

(This sounds awfully shouty bollox but come on girls, bumps unite!)

Even she was judging me at this point. 🙄😂